Monday, January 19, 2009

Empty Promises (Repost from JS Blog)

Every trip home, I promise myself that I'm not going to have too much to take back with us, so that I can avoid the stress of trying to make sure each piece of luggage fits within the 50 pound requirement without going over.

Every trip home, I seem to have a lapse in memory to that promise to myself, and we always have far more to take home with us than we came with. This trip is no exception.
I thought that since we didn't bring that many clothes this trip, and that some of our luggage wasn't full, that we'd be skating through this trip without having to weigh and re-weigh each piece- wrong. I think, instead, that I decided I had plentyyyy of room, so I shopped, shopped, and shopped some more.

Granted, some of those goodies aren't mine, they are Marcel's or others, but things do add up, obviously quicker than I anticipated.

I also thought this trip that I'd start packing my bags a little at a time, so that when the time came to pack (such as now) that it would make things much easier. Because of that little philosophy, I managed to have several pieces of luggage packed a few weeks ago of things that I didn't plan on wearing, using, or what simply wasn't for me in the first place. Unfortunately, when it got down to the 'real' packing yesterday, I was over the weight limit in several of the pieces that I planned to check, which left me feeling a little stressed to say the very least.
The solution ended up being going through each and every box, grabbing some of the heavier items and packing them into a carry-on, which luckily is on rollers. I 'think' (and I say that loosely) that we'll be ok now, and we'll get by with paying for two extra pieces of checked luggage, which is par for the course for us.

Aside from that little drama, I'm feeling pretty good. I managed to make it through a visit with my friends (and fellow JSers) Bethany and ElisaC without crying, and as always it was wonderful to see them.

I also managed to make it through an entire evening at my friend Samantha's last night, without the first tear being shed. Doesn't mean I didn't think about it, but as I told her, I think I'm in denial mode, and she said that's where we have to be.

Luckily, she's hoping to visit this summer for a few weeks, and we'll be able to celebrate our birthday's together. We're both really hoping that we can iron out all the details, and once I get home, I'll be planning and scheming to see what we can get ourselves into.

I'm always sad when I leave the deep south, but I do love my other home also. My roots are here though, and they run deep, so saying goodbye is always difficult.

I do know that 2009 is going to be a GREAT year, so I'm looking forward to see what the year is going to unfold.

Marcel and I will be celebrating our five year wedding anniversary next month. I know five years may not seem like long, but it's something to celebrate, and celebrate we will.

So tell me something great that has been happening in your world. I haven't had the opportunity to visit any journals, but at least I'll have an idea of what's been going on with you until I can check-in and catch up.

My Gratitude List for January 19, 2008.

Today I'm Grateful For:

1- Special notes from old and dear friends.
2- Being sentimental, because it's part of what makes me, me.
3- Blossoming trees, which promises more to follow.
4- The realization that the world is much smaller than we know.
5- Exit row plane seats.

Sunday, January 11, 2009

Mixed Emotions

Here I sit in the chair at the computer desk - my thoughts wandering to a million different places. Some of them close, and some so far away that they could be in outer space somewhere.
I catch myself looking at the window which overlooks the field. The skies are gray, and it happens to match my mood today. Gray!
Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy, but the reality has set in that in less than a week and a half, Marcel and I will be boarding a plane and heading home, and with that reality comes many mixed feelings.
I’ve talked about them before, so I’ll spare you the details now, but the mad rush before we leave has set in and it has me feeling a little frazzled- so much so that I told mom and Marcel that next trip- we’re telling everyone we are leaving earlier than we actually are, so that there isn’t a scramble at the last moment to get together and go to dinner, and that some peoples feelings aren’t getting hurt because I’m unable to accomodate getting together because I didn’t save a space for them.
I plan as people call and ask, and when the schedule is full, it’s full. It isn’t out of wanting to see one person more than the other, because believe me, there are some people that I have really wanted to see and spend time with, and some that I wanted to spend more time with that I won’t be able to, but it’s one of those things that I can’t control, so it’s best not to spend time worrying about it.
This morning Marcel and I ‘officially’ started packing. I’d already packed one suitcase about a week or so ago, of clothes that I didn’t think I’d be wearing between then and the time we leave, but now we’ve started packing and what I’m finding is that as per always, we will be paying for not only one excess piece of luggage, but two. Ooops! It may have something to do with the 10+ pair of shoes that I’ve bought this trip, and several handbags, and everything in between.
I actually got one box packed and scratched the packing idea for today. Marcel did tread carefully in here and ask if I was planning to pack another box, since our bed is heaped with ’stuff’, and I didn’t respond. I wasn’t trying to ignore him, I just don’t know if I am ready.
I know- to some of you it may sound like I’m whining, but I’m really not. It’s just my little way of working through the emotions and thoughts that I’m having now, and hopefully getting past the feelings of being overwhelmed.
I’m extremely grateful for the opportunity to have a two month holiday, and grateful that Marcel and I were able to spend the time with family and friends. I’m also grateful that I can say that I have two homes, but there are emotional struggles there, especially when it involves leaving my parents, brother and his family, and all my wonderful friends here who I love so dearly- including the ones I haven’t had an opportunity to spend time with this trip.
I hear the garage door opener, letting me know that mom and diddy just arrived home, so I’ll close this for now so we can get lunch ready.
I miss so many of y’all and I do look forward to having a little more time to catch up with your journals, and also with emails and such when I get home.
More from me later

Tuesday, January 06, 2009

Two Weeks To Go-

Two weeks from tomorrow, Marcel and I will be heading to the airport and heading back home after our two month vacay.

I was talking to Desere yesterday about how I have mixed feelings about this. It's happening regardless of how I feel about it, but yet I always start having this internal tug-of-war when the two week mark hits.

I miss our home in Holland. I miss Desere, Bobbi and my other friends there, and it goes without saying that I miss Mister Mistoffelees, who is the greatest cat ever!

Of course, my mother-in-law may beg to differ that Mister M. is the greatest cat ever, since he's been quite the little devil while at her place- jumping on the counter tops, on tables, and hiding puzzle pieces of puzzles she was working on (that's her own fault though, since I told her not to attempt that with him around). I like to assume that his antics are because he misses me so much, and I'm sure that's the case.

As promised before I left, I did buy him lots of treats, plus some new mice (not the real type), and a laser toy, that will probably be his favorite. Something that he'll find less than thrilling is the Christmas cape that I bought for next Christmas, and the little collar with bells and such. I have a feeling if cats could roll their eyes, he would be rolling his when he sees that. I couldn't help it though, it was too cute to leave behind.

Here, I'll miss my family and friends and the great fun we've been having. I'll miss being able to go to my nephews programs at school or church, and I'll also miss being able to go see Samantha's girls in their school programs. I'll miss sushi, and being able to drive 10 minutes to Samantha's and 4 hours to Julies, and canasta games with mom and diddy, Steve and Michelle. Those games have been extremely comical and fun.

What I won't miss is rednecks who have no respect for other peoples property and who drive their 4-wheelers on my parents property and other properties in the area in hopes of spotlighting a deer and shooting it while it's defenses are down.

What I will miss, is trying to catch those losers and hoping that the game warden gets his hands on them so they can kiss their 4- wheelers, guns, trucks etc.. goodbye. (This is the subject of a journal entry that will follow at some point)

It goes without saying that I'll miss mom and diddy, who I love and adore beyond words, and I'll miss my brother, who I've spent more time with this trip and who I admire a great deal.

I'll miss 24 hour shopping, the outlets- although my pocketbook will not.

There is so much I'll miss here.. but I know that I'll be happy to settle back in my life in Neverland once again.

Marcel and I have a five year wedding anniversary coming up, a few weeks after we arrive home. We're looking forward to it, plus plan to take a trip to celebrate, but think we'll wait until the weather is a bit warmer.

We're still in the talking stages of a new doggie, although Marcel has finally started giving in a little on the type of dog and we may actually be able to choose one together. I'd love a mini- Australian Shephard, but I don't think that will happen. Maybe the terrier breed that Toto was in the Wizard of Oz, and I could name him (of course), Toto. Wouldn't that be cute?

As you can probably see from this entry- my thoughts are jumping from one place to the other, and I've determined it's either an age thing, or a 'too much on my mind thing'.

One thing I do know for sure, is that 2009 is going to be a great year. The possibities are endless, so make the most of each and every day!

Since I haven't done one this year, and since I lost all the ones that weren't backed up on JS, I think I'll start hard copying these too..

Nothing like starting the year off full of gratitude.

My Gratitude List for January 6, 2009.

Today I'm Grateful For:

1- A new year, which is filled with endless possibilities and opportunities to reach out and grasp.

2- The true friendships that I have formed in my life. I feel extremely blessed.

3- Compromise.

4- Love- which is something that without it, this world would cease to exist.

5- Family.

Thursday, January 01, 2009

Here or There?

I've had an online journal for almost 5 years now. It started out as an attempt to see if I would actually keep up with an online journal, plus a manner for my family and friends to see what was happening in my day, or what was going on in the often zany world of my 'grey matter'.

I actually believe that the people who know me well, probably see me as a sort of enigma, and yet in other ways as transparent as a glass of water.

With me, what you see is what you get- no facades, no superficiality (is that a word?), but in the same aspect, I'm far from predictable. One moment I can be serious and what many would consider 'boring', and the next I'm doing something that others would think are completely out of character for me.

I bore easily and like to throw a wrench in things to mix things up a bit. It's fun, and why not?

I digress. This information has place in yet another entry- one that I believe I'll sit outside in the grass overlooking a field with remnants of this years hay crop to write. The field, barren, yet beautiful in its own rights. After all, isn't everything? Even in the darkest, dirtiest and most painful places reside beauty waiting to be discovered, but again- I digress.

The space that held my journal for almost five years is no more. Not due to my own personal choice, but because of circumstances beyond my control.

I'm a very nostalgic person, and expected to feel a sense of loss upon hearing that Journalspace was no more, but surprisingly I didn't feel a sense of loss at all. Journalspace was a great place to write, and in fact, I literally have journals at probably 10 other journaling sites but that was my 'home' because of the user friendliness of the site, plus the sense of community.

But a website doesn't a community make, anymore than four walls makes a home. It is and always will be the people.

In almost five years, I've grown to know and love many people who have been a part of that very same space. That space disappearing doesn't change the dynamics of how I feel about those people, it only changes the manner in which I may communicate with them, since ALL of our 'spaces' are gone.

Some of those people (they know who they are) I've established close relationships with, and we have other manners in which to connect, and I know that wherever they choose to write, IF they choose to write, that I'll read them regardless.

There is a saying that with everything there is a season, a purpose- and I believe that Journalspace has had it's season, and I had my season there with them. It has served it's purpose, and for me- that has been something far more than 'just' a place to write my ramblings and feelings. It has been a place that has sparked friendships that I know will endure the sands of time, and that is precious to me.

I believe that nothing in life is 'happenstance' that with each and every thing that happens that there IS a reason behind it.

We all have the choice in life to spend our time looking back and mourning over what was, or we can celebrate the gifts of what those moments brought us, the friendships we made, and move forward.

I learned many years ago, that time spent looking back at things that can't be changed, is time and opportunities missed on what is happening in front of your eyes at that very moment.

It is timely that as the year came to an end, that this chapter in my life also came to an end, but I know that as that chapter closed, a new one is waiting to begin- to be discovered, and the possibilities are endless.

Is it just me, or aren't the ideas of that exciting?

Happy New Year- I wrote in my old journal several weeks ago that big changes would be happening in that space come the first of the year- little did I know how big those changes would be-- only not in that space, but another. Funny how things happen sometime isn't it?

I have a feeling this is only the beginning of what promises to be a year filled with fun, excitement, changes, and love-

More later as I collect my thoughts on the reflection of the past year, and the anticipation of what I'd like to see in this one.

For now- you can fine me here, or at wordpress- or for those of you who know my name, you can find me on facebook.