Mixed Emotions

Here I sit in the chair at the computer desk - my thoughts wandering to a million different places. Some of them close, and some so far away that they could be in outer space somewhere.
I catch myself looking at the window which overlooks the field. The skies are gray, and it happens to match my mood today. Gray!
Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy, but the reality has set in that in less than a week and a half, Marcel and I will be boarding a plane and heading home, and with that reality comes many mixed feelings.
I’ve talked about them before, so I’ll spare you the details now, but the mad rush before we leave has set in and it has me feeling a little frazzled- so much so that I told mom and Marcel that next trip- we’re telling everyone we are leaving earlier than we actually are, so that there isn’t a scramble at the last moment to get together and go to dinner, and that some peoples feelings aren’t getting hurt because I’m unable to accomodate getting together because I didn’t save a space for them.
I plan as people call and ask, and when the schedule is full, it’s full. It isn’t out of wanting to see one person more than the other, because believe me, there are some people that I have really wanted to see and spend time with, and some that I wanted to spend more time with that I won’t be able to, but it’s one of those things that I can’t control, so it’s best not to spend time worrying about it.
This morning Marcel and I ‘officially’ started packing. I’d already packed one suitcase about a week or so ago, of clothes that I didn’t think I’d be wearing between then and the time we leave, but now we’ve started packing and what I’m finding is that as per always, we will be paying for not only one excess piece of luggage, but two. Ooops! It may have something to do with the 10+ pair of shoes that I’ve bought this trip, and several handbags, and everything in between.
I actually got one box packed and scratched the packing idea for today. Marcel did tread carefully in here and ask if I was planning to pack another box, since our bed is heaped with ’stuff’, and I didn’t respond. I wasn’t trying to ignore him, I just don’t know if I am ready.
I know- to some of you it may sound like I’m whining, but I’m really not. It’s just my little way of working through the emotions and thoughts that I’m having now, and hopefully getting past the feelings of being overwhelmed.
I’m extremely grateful for the opportunity to have a two month holiday, and grateful that Marcel and I were able to spend the time with family and friends. I’m also grateful that I can say that I have two homes, but there are emotional struggles there, especially when it involves leaving my parents, brother and his family, and all my wonderful friends here who I love so dearly- including the ones I haven’t had an opportunity to spend time with this trip.
I hear the garage door opener, letting me know that mom and diddy just arrived home, so I’ll close this for now so we can get lunch ready.
I miss so many of y’all and I do look forward to having a little more time to catch up with your journals, and also with emails and such when I get home.
More from me later